Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
