Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
