One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
