butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
