Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize