Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
