if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
