you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
