In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
