I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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