News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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