My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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