i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
