The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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