Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was confusing and full of hummus
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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