I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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