Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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