Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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