Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
