he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
