Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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