Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
