did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
