The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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