I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
