you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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