He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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