Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
