It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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