It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
