I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
