The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
