Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
