I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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