Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
