I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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