That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
