need another drink. this is the easiest way
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
