So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
