your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Who died my cat blue again?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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