I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
