In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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