I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
