He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
