Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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