i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
