What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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