it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
