maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
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Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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