good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
