My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
