she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
