somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
