can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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