i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you win again, gameday.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
