It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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