you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
