everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
