That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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