Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
