You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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