piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it because I queefed?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
