I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
