Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Farmville is her only friend.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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