We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
